I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
