By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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