went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I came so hard my ears popped.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
