sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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