So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
