Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
