I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
