have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
