Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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