Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize