Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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