I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize