someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
