Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
