Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
