he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
