I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
