I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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