what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
