so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
