tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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