I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
