At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
