Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
