and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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