I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize