This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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