Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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