wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
