I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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