dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
