My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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