Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize