I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
