life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This house was built for laser tag.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
