you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
