I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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