I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
