We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
