I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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