i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
