guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize