My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
