I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
