I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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