I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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