So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
