so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my liver is dry heaving
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
