im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
