I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
