I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
