well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
