I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
