just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
