Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize