hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize