no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
