maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
