He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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