All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize