hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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