so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
