yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize