i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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