Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
