i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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