You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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