cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
