Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
