Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
