I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
