Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
