Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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