lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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