they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
