do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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