you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
