just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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