I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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