is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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